13 Terrible Product Names

We’ve reached the point where we have enough variations of our furniture that we’re considering assigning a name to each cabinet, in order to distinguish between orders and be able to talk about them without having to say things like “you know, the one that has the doors with the glass and the hinges you don’t like but people keep asking for.”

So we’re trying to come up with some names for these excellent pieces of furniture so we can start advertising them as “The Conchita Cabinet,” or under New Arrivals: “Pancho Talavera Mirror.” Something like that.

We could also go the more sophisticated route, you know, like the big stores do.

They know what they’re doing…

Name a pile of MDF “The Cotswold Vanity” and it becomes high-quality furniture on the spot. Heirloom particle board right there.

But we’re not that fancy, so we veered a little to the left on Google Maps and found some suitable Irish candidates:

1. The Dingle Mirror (For your reflective needs)
2. Horningtops Vanity (Top not included)
3. Belmullet Side Table (It’s longer in the back)
4. Up Mudford Mudroom Cabinet
5. Mountmellick Mirror (Cause me three)
6. Enniskillin Nightstand (Enn needs Jesus)

 

Isle of Man also had a couple useful names that remind one of sturdy furniture produced by a reliable enterprise:

1. Knockaloe Moar Accent Cabinet
2. The Cronk Bathroom Storage Cabinet

 

Isle of Man is small and short on remarkable names, so we had to move the map over to a different, larger island, full of exciting town names, kangaroos, and deadly snakes you’re not allowed to kill:

1. The Boort Boot Storage Cabinet
2. Woolloomooloo Vanity (Very exciting)
3. Cocklebiddy Wall Mirror (For looking at)
4. Wangaratta Coat Rack
5. Newdegate Storage Cabinet (For keeping ALL your clothes in)

 

Speaking of Australia, if you happen to be in the Wangaratta area someday, look out for snakes, of course, but also the memorable Mt. Buggery. And if you’re ever, for any reason, in Tasmania, it might be worth it to pay a visit to Prickly Bottom Beach. Looks nice. But don’t Google it first because a medical website comes up with all sorts of information you don’t need. Unless of course, you do.

I hope this post has been helpful.