In case you’re not familiar with Enneagram, it’s the personality test which allows you to access anyone’s past, predict their future, and creep the hell out of their present.
My friend Danielle told me I’m a five.
Number five is the weirdo who sits through a Bible study and hardly talks, but then goes home and makes fun/observations about everyone and everything that was said during the meeting. What a jerk, that five.
I find comfort in knowing Enneagram is DEFINITELY FLAWED, since Danielle tells me fives love to travel, which is true about me, but they also keep their cars very clean, which is a SINFUL LIE. I’m pretty sure there is a rolled up diaper in the back of the Lumina from when Forest was a baby. I am not even ashamed enough to go find it.
Look at me, not caring:
Another friend also told me I’m a five because I mentioned that Forest didn’t have a crib until he was about six months old.
Fives are into minimalism, they read lots of books, and were neglected as children.
Well, poopsicle.
I don’t like this Enneagram thing. It’s creepy. And it offends me a little bit, with its pretending to know everything about me. I bet there are people who decide not to be friends with someone just because they know their Enneagram number, and it says on the website they’re not compatible. It’s annoying.
Danielle says Enneagram fives don’t like Enneagram. This bit of information made me reconsider, and I’ve decided I do like it a little bit. Are fives contrary? I don’t think so.
They say fives are logical thinkers and like to understand and make sense of everything. But that’s so broad it could be in a fortune cookie. Everyone likes things to make sense, right?
VITAMIN D WHOLE MILK!
See? You didn’t like that, did you?
I think my dad is probably a five because he always wears holey socks (thrifty), and often retreats into himself, while staring off into the distance.
That’s just weird.
What’s the Enneagram number that relaxes on Sundays by taking on five different projects in direct sunlight?
I’ve been married to this little number for eight years now and I still don’t know. What if we’ve been having a great time but weren’t supposed to be?
Let me know.
Or not.
Do you know your Enneagram number? I have a friend who hates Enneagram so much she threw an Enneagram book away and then prayed afterwards that the garbage man wouldn’t find it, take it home, and be exposed to this wickedness.
Did you know you can find out your Enneagram number just by looking around your house?
– You might be Type 1 if you’re into geometric shapes, minimalism, and the colors (or lack of colors?) black, gray and white.
– You might be Type 2 if you are surrounded by sentimental clutter and lots of colorful things.
– You might be Type 3 if your house looks like an IKEA catalog.
– You might be Type 4 if you’re into vintage and bohemian decor.
– You might be Type 5 if you only own meaningful things and are constantly wanting to downsize in every area of your life and are writing this blog.
– You might be Type 6 if you own a super comfy couch and leave coffee mugs everywhere.
– You might be Type 7 if you shop in that section of Target with the really cheap stuff that doesn’t go well together, but it’s cheap, so you buy it anyway and then it explodes all over your house.
– You might be Type 8 if you live in a huge house with a huge TV that you watch very proudly while sitting on a huge couch.
– You might be Type 9 if you’re into magical, whimsical, hippie decor, complete with knitted rugs and lots of plants.
I told you it was creepy. I’m sorry I’ve exposed you to this. But now I want to know, which of these describes you best? Let me know in the comments section below!
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